*Editors Note*
Below is a letter we received this morning from the writer of Sex and the Smaller City. We felt compelled to print it as to to shed light on a subject the writer feels strongly about. Each week, this website receives about 400-500 views. If each person who read this told one other, then we'd double the lesson that is to be learned here. We support the opinions stated in it and will be printing it publicly in our magazine within the next few weeks.




To whom it may concern,
I am writing you today in a state of extreme anger. I am in shock over something I just viewed on television. A show entitled "Joni" featured two men who told the audience they were "previous gays." They went on and spoke about how the Lord came to them while they lived a life of sin and told them he'd help them change from being gay to straight. One man spoke in detail about how he'd go to public places and engage in sexual activity with men. During one of these encounters, God appeared to him and told him he was going to change him. That man said from that day on, he was straight.
I am furious over this. The host Joni kept urging them to tell of how wrong homosexuality is. She begged them to tell the "young viewers" at home that there is hope for a healthy new life. A life that only involves male/female intimacy. These 2 men who now run a program for Exodusyouth.com are going all over the country talking to teens and men and women in their 20's about the "path to the Lords house" through heterosexuality. At one point during the show, they quoted the Bible. They spoke about places in the Bible and said "Jesus wrote that homosexuality is the Devil in disguise." I'd like to post this idea then... No offense, but saying that Jesus wrote that is pretty pathetic isn't it? Jesus had already been crucified and killed when the Bible was written so I'm pretty sure he wasn't sitting down writing quotes into the Bible for all of us to read.
I post this idea as well. We as Christians believe that God creates us all in his own image. That to me says only one thing. That God is truly male, female, black, white, Chinese, lesbian, gay, healthy, sick, etc. I could go on and on. God is everything that we are. And if you are a true Christian, then you accept people for who they are and don't preach, nor judge them for what God has made of them. Being gay is NOT a choice. It's not something you decide as you grow older. It's something inside you that is there from the day you are created inside your mother. It can't be helped, and it can never be reversed.
Sadly, the two men who were on Joni this morning are living a life of lies. They may tell themselves they are "previous gays", but in the end, they will always be gay. They will never find a deep and meaningful happiness inside themselves. Sure, they can hide behind it by trashing homosexuals and preaching about changing it, but they themselves are the true sinners. Hurting people such as myself with their words and ideas is a sin. Telling me that as a gay man, I will go to Hell for the lifestyle I lead is wrong. It's disgusting and it's evil.
When I took on this column, I promised to conceal my identity to keep the readers interested. However, none of that is important to me. I am 25 years old. I am gay and I am in a beautiful relationship with a man I am inlove with. I treasure him and we lead a healthy, normal life together. We pay bills, talk to our families, go out to dinner, listen to music, watch tv and guess what? I don't think we'll go to Hell for that. How dare two men who are SO afraid of being gay, that they turn on themselves and travel around the world attempting to get others to do the same tell me I will die a sad and lonely death. THAT is the real sin here. This woman Joni supported their views. I am by no means a Bible-banger, but I do have a heart and I do have a belief in Jesus. My beliefs have made me who I am today and when the day comes that I take my last breath, I will see the angels and I will smile.

It would mean so much to me if the people at the Improper Bostonian would print this. I feel so strongly about it. My heart broke as I watched this show this morning. It may not change much, but it's a start. Nothing ever changed without someone making a move. So, here I am. Making a big move... and I hope readers will do same.

Sex and the Smaller City

What are we doing for the rest of our lives?!
So I ask you this about us Bostonians. Are we the marrying type? Do we really see ourselves settling forever into our townhouses, over priced apartments and extra samll studios together?? And furthermore.. how can you tell whether your partner is the marriage “type”?
Well, the signs are very clear to read, if you are just willing to see the truth and nothing but the truth, even if it is not always what you want. The first step in seeing this truth, is throwing your blinders away and to observe all angles of your relationship- not just the wonderful parts that you want to see. If you are the type of person who would like to settle down and get married when the time is right, then you are naturally going to want a partner who will have the same dreams and goals as you when it comes to love and relationships. While this is only natural, you should not assume that just because you are involved with your partner in a serious relationship that it will end in marriage, but then again who wants to think that way? This is exactly why you must talk about this with your partner once your relationship reaches a comfortable enough point to talk about marriage and commitment.
And when does the comfortable part begin?? Well, hell if you are waking up to each others morning breath and going to sleep in each others arms, then you should be able to speak openly. If one is showering while the other is peeing.. you get the drift.
Marriage is huge. I, your writer am at a place in life where I am actually picturing myself being married to a very wonderful person. I tell you this though, I'd never have made it to this spot in life had it not been for this special person. You need to meet someone special to MAKE something specail. If that was an overuse of the word "special". I apologize. however, it's true. Since when does something outstanding and amazing come from something that is blah and boring? Ok.. here's how I break it all down.
Liking leads to dating. Dating leads to growing from being two seperate people to one dynamic team. A dynamic team can handle anything and when you can handle anything, you are ready to be a lifelong team.
So start liking Boston!! It'll bring you to places you never saw yourself being!! I should know..

Dating... love it or hate it?
Okay, so you date people hoping that one of these days you will come across the right person, the one you will make the greatest romantic connection with. But does it feel like you are going nowhere and believe that you just have no luck with meeting the right people? Feel like you are lost and doomed in this whole dating business? Stop feeling sorry for yourself!!!
The reality of this situation is that luck has nothing to do with it. If you are like many people, you are probably dating blindfolded, without even realizing that you are doing so. If you feel unsuccessful and dissatisfied with your dating patterns, then it is time for you to take a few steps back to see where things went wrong for you. Think you have been doing everything right? Think again! If you look back, you will be surprised to learn that you got so caught up in just the whole dating experience, that you forgot what to look out for and neglected your true needs and desires. What are you really looking for in a lover? What are your needs and desires? What qualities are important for a person to have and what other qualities are you willing to compromise with and accept?
Which moves us to the next essential point in dating. While it is normal that you fix yourself up to make a great impression on your date, it is not the most important thing that you should focus on. In fact, so many dating singles out there worry so much about what their date will think, that they totally forgot the purpose of the date- to find out whether or not they will find the connection they are seeking. No matter how you fix yourself and what manners or personality you put on, you will never be in control of what your date will think or feel about the date, so set that unnecessary stress aside. Instead, shift your focus about what you will think about him or her. Observe everything about them. Do YOU like their appearance? Does their personality appeal to YOU? Do YOU feel that you are making a good connection? As you can see, it is what you think that is important here, because you are the one looking for the right person, as well as certain qualities. Leave what they think, up to them!
The fear of being single forever can cloud your good judgment, causing you to continue seeing a person who you know you are not entirely satisfied with. You will do this because you will try to convince yourself that maybe you have been too picky and being with anybody, even if you are not crazy about him or her, is better than nobody. Stop lying to yourself! You do not have to get stuck with someone you are not entirely happy with, nor do you have to be single forever. Being honest and up front from the beginning is what will get you where you want to be and whom you want to be with. Do not worry that you may scare off someone by telling him or her exactly what expectations you have and how serious of a relationship you are looking for. Look at this way, if they get scared that quickly, then it is a sign that they were not looking for the same thing as you are, so it saves you time and you can then move on to dating someone else.
As long as you get real with yourself, stop making excuses, know what your really want, stick to it and make it clear to the people that you date, then you will be safe from too many mixed messages, misunderstandings and frustrations. When you treat your goal of meeting the right person seriously and important, then you will stay motivated to find him or her, and when you do- you will finally be able to begin the kind of relationship that you have always longed for, needed and deserve.

Now Playing: An Official HELLO BOSTON
**Editors Note**
The columns that were to be featured in our magazine have been put on a hold while we are in contract negotiation. You will be able to read each column here and we welcome your comments. This is Sex and the Smaller City's official start. Continue checking for updates and new information. Enjoy and we are glad to welcome Sex and the Smaller City to our website. -I.B.





When approached and asked to write a column for the Improper, I immediately wondered if I'd be able to handle the stress of putting out a witty, yet educational column that readers would grasp onto and love. I knew the piece would be called "Sex and the smaller City" because as a true Bostonian, I am inlove with my city and the people of it. No, it's not all about sex, but it IS about the basic things we are always searching for.

When one lives in the city, you find youself usually searching for one of the following three things. An apartment, a job or a relationship. As your writer, I can say that I have searched for all and am therefore equipped to write to you. See, the other day I got to thinking about the most important that I find people searching for. The ultimate Relationship.

What is it that we as city people are looking for? Are we looking for that special someone who will in the end; sweep us off our feet, or are we a city of hooker-uppers? Mayor Menino once dubbed us "The city of lovers" in a speech at the Democratic National Convention. How true is that I wonder. I myself smile at people as they walk by me. I adore the person I am in a relationship and therefore am able to put out a better persona of myself. I often think that a happy person finds love sooner than others. Have you ever seen a person on the T listening to music? Sometimes they smile and sing along softly. Personally, I think that's wonderfully attractive.

I am a born people watcher. My friends and I discuss peopls and couples all the time. I think that life is pretty much the same whether you are dating or not, just as long as your outlook on the subject is good. I will end this first of many articles with a quote that comes from the hit that basically built this article (Sex and the City). I ask you to ponder the things I have mentioned and further ask you to pass the word that Sex and the smaller City is here! I expect your full attention and plan to indulge you with my wit, charm and ideas on sex, relationships and life as a Bostonian.

"Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."

Be Sexy Boston!!

It recently occured to me that so many people are lacking something so deeply needed in a relationship. That being, the part where you relate.

You meet, you find the things you have in common. You attempt to ignore the things you don't have in common. You do dates, you make cute phone calls, you text message each other. You feel great when you're together and 2 years later you're living together, set in a routine and finding yourself bored with this person you were once so mesmerized by. What happened? What went wrong?

Somewhere along the way, us city people tend to get so caught up in things that we can pretty much only relate to ourselves. That being said, I'm not saying we're all guilty of this. Consider this though; When was the last time you and your love sat on the couch with the TV off, no music playing and just talked face to face while holding each other. No sex, no making out, nothing. Just pure, word to word talking. When was the last time you did that? When was the last time you broke your routine and just enjoyed each other by yourselves in an atmosphere where the only thing that mattered was you and them. If you can't relate to the person you call your other half, then how in the world do you expect to be made whole together. Two halves create a whole when they fit together, work together, shape well together. In other words, both parts must relate. Correct??

Boston, we're a city full of fast walkers, dog lovers, singers, artists, hard workers, slackers. You name it, we've got it. But when it comes down to settling for one person, I'd think the best person for you is one you can completely relate to. In everyway imagineable.

Happy Relating Boston!

Have you ever heard the nearly 8 minute song by Death Cab for Cutie called "Transatlanticism?" It's one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard. It's quite brilliant and the music is just mesmerizing. I highly recommend it.
The main theme of the song is sung over and over. "I need you so much closer." It's repeated about 20 times and at first I didn't see why, but then I listened to it a few times. The man singing is quite inlove. He's desperately inlove. But even being completely inlove isn't enough. He needs her closer. He needs her more. He needs so much. Call it needy, or just call it pure genius. He knows that even when a person is inlove, there can still be more to give. Or more to want in this situation. Saying you are inlove isn't enough. You still require so much from the person you are loving. There is always going to be attention needed, there will always be the need for romance, surprises, physical touch. You will always want closeness as well. If there is one thing I treasure with the person I am in a relationship, it's that he and I are close. We share things like best friends would. It's a great combination of romance, friendship, love and just enjoyment. I suggest this song for a couple reasons. Entertainment, but also just so you can hear the words.. and just take them in as the slow music calms you, relaxes you and brings you to a place where you may understand the relationship you are in a little better... Happy listening :)

Side note: The column will officially begin it's actual column postings on Monday, September 12th, 2005. So be sure to check back.

There's a story about my Great Aunt Mary that goes something like this:

Just before World War II, she had met a man and they fell inlove. Before he left, he proposed and she accepted. While he was away, he was killed. When he didn't return after a couple of years, she lost all hope and then found out he had died. From then on, she never met another man nor did she let herself love anyone. She never married, never dated and never stopped loving him.

My Great Aunt Mary died a few years ago. She was beautiful, graceful, elegant and classy. She was just gorgeous. I think her story is one of real love and commitment. To go an entire life loving a man that wasn't even sharing this earth with her speaks so much.

It shows just how strong the human heart is. She once told my Nana that she missed him everyday and never forgot what he looked like. I can only hope that I will always have that power inside me. Love is one of the most roller-coaster, knock you off your feet type of feelings out there. It makes you feel alive and at the same time, can make you feel like you're being born all over again.

She was a strong woman, even without him by her side. Love does that to you. Over time, I truly believe that the more two people love each other, the more they learn from each other, grow from each other, etc. You learn to go from standing on your own to standing with your partner. You no longer sleep alone or read your newspaper alone. You have an equal that is there to be part of you. You share stories, secrets, pasts and futures together. You build a life together. Together is the key word. As long as two people love each other and stand together and work together, I believe it will work in the end.

So, Boston... are we together? There's a big differnece in saying you're together and *actually* being together.

If grey is the new black...
then together is the new forever.

Love shouldn't be about finding the perfect person.
It should be about seeing an imperfect person perfectly.

So I'm curious about risk taking when it comes to relationships. Is Boston a city of risk-takers? Do we ever go into restaurants and order something we've never had? Do we dare try a new store that we've never shopped in? Do we leave our comfort zones and try the new and fresh? Sometimes, yes. Sometimes, no. But in relationships, what would we consider a "risk?" Is going on a blind date a risk? Do we decide to be brave and mix up a new outfit for that first date? Do we attempt to even date a person we really wouldn't consider ideal?
If you truly consider yourself a risktaker, then good for you! But for the rest of us, I say this:

Life should be about taking risks. And if you don't go out on limb once in a while, then you'll just end up standing alone. Just be sure you're not the only one going out there on that limb... Dating is about two people having fun while they explore the possibilities together.

Sex and the Smaller City
Look at this! I've been turned into a website! How exciting is this? As most of you know, I've been made the new writer of Sex and the Smaller City. The articles will be running in the September, but will also be featured here. Along with them, I will be sharing personal stories and ideas/thoughts about love and romance in Boston. Enjoy and I look forward to entertaining you all!
~Eddie